When couples say they've been through thick and thin, I often wonder what thick and thin? Is it the same as mine? When the younger one's say they've been through thick and thin and they've only been together for 6 months, seriously, what thick and thin?

I can't really say the same for mine. Though I know we've been through quite a journey together. We've grown up with each other and grown up within ourselves. Some days, the relationship just takes so much out of me that I want to call it quits.... again. But I'd like to believe that we bring out the best in each other.

Ever wonder if you're living life the way you really want to? If you were going to die, is there anything you'd wish you had done? If any, what would be your regrets?

We're humans, so we're bound to regret one or a few things in life. After my mom passed away, my regret was that I didn't spend enough time with her. After she passed, I was hard on myself for the things I ignore when she was still here. Like when I raised my voice at her when I was frustrated because I didn't get enough sleep in the hospital. When I told her I'll be right back but didn't. When I heard her calling me but ignore her instead because I was so tired. So many things...

I promise myself that I won't make those kind of regrets anymore. So my familiy became my priority. My life is family and work. I figure that when I die, I would know in my heart that I have tried my best for them, that I have given my all and I would die peacefully.

So I don't know why I'm crying. Why I would want something that would not matter when I'm in my deathbed or why I feel empty. Maybe I'm jealous that the people I care for doesn't feel the way I do and the pressure is just too much? Maybe it's because I know that the person I'm caring for will never acknowledge what I've done because I'm not his son? Maybe it's because I have no life outside work and family as I watch everyone enjoy life. Maybe... I just need time for myself.

If I had the time for myself, what would I do?

I sit here waiting for something to happen. For love to grow in places I thought was already blooming. I sit here hoping for something to happen. I sit here, just wanting something to happen.

She cries her silent tears again. What the world don't see, the world won't know. She smiles again, she's good. She sleeps, she forgets.

I was never enough of a lot of things. Never girlie enough, smart enough, dumb enough to be retarded. When I worry, it's either too much or not enough.

I am sorry that I am just not enough. I don't know when I will ever be done with trying to please everyone else. It's become a part of who I am that when I am done making someone else happy, I find someone else that I can make happy. People's happiness has become my own happiness. Knowing that I've made someone's life a little happier, makes me feel a little happier. But some days, it's just too much when it's never enough. What about me?

Alone time. Time out. Me time. I don't know what that's like. Pampering myself would be getting 8 hours of sleep. I don't care about a lot of things, especially things that I could do without. So how do I go about treating myself something?

I shouldn't complain. This is just me. I'll be better tomorrow.

I'm 5 days late for that but who cares? Although everyday is just another day whether it's a holiday or not, I'm really looking forward to this year. I've worried myself all my life what other people thought of me. Though I still have problems with that, I'm working my way around it. What other people say isn't always negative. Even if they are, it's good to consider some things that could help better myself.

I've found someone that may be worth my time to give. Our relationship is quite complicated, given our history together. Through his flaws, he is a good guy. No one is perfect.

Here's to us and you, for a more than good year!