October 11th, 2008

I signed on to MSN yesterday and did the usual. Check email, delete spam, etc. Then, I get a message on messenger, "Who are you?"

Giving out my email is as rare as I would ever give my number to a stranger. So I think, it's someone I already know, who's playing a trick on me. So I go along with introducing ourselves and telling each other our stories. LOVE got into our conversation. He asked if I believed in it. I said sure. What's not to believe, though I don't think it's fit for me. So he said something which I already knew but had to learn it again in a different way.

"You're afraid to get hurt," he types.

It was ok for me to accept that I don't want to get hurt and by choice, I choose not to meet anyone or get close to anyone. But for him to tell me that I was afraid changes what I accepted. I felt challenged and cornered. I mean c'mon, it's just love.

I replied that I wasn't afraid and that relationships requires too much time and effort which I don't have enough room in my schedule for. While in the back of my mind, there's a big banner with the words, "YOU'RE AFRAID, HA HA HA!" circling back and forth just pissing me off!

No matter how much I remind myself that it's ok to play it safe, I just can't seem to shake it off.