There are words to say. All kinds. Words to make someone happy, feel better, sad. Words you regret. Words of anger. But I am out of words. How many times does a person get broken hearted and still know what to say?

I am upset and angry in so many ways. I lay in bed last night organizing them. Prioritizing them. Cause hell I know I can't do anything straight if I don't know the difference between them. But I just lay there. I couldn't cry even if I wanted to.

Some people are able to say whats on their mind. Bad or not, that's just who they are. But I was taught to think things through. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone. So I'm always thinking. I word everything in my mind before saying anything. Always wanting to say the right thing. I really believe that if you don't have anything nice to say than don't say anything at all. That's me. As good as some of you may think that is, I find it that I never really say what's on my mind and I feel like I'm my own prisoner. I feel at fault for so many things that are happening right now.

How do I choose the right words to say without hurting anyone and without being controlled over my own actions? How do I make things right? With everything going as far as they have, is there any right anymore? I envy my sister for speaking her mind. But I am also upset because she hurt someone I loved too. I am upset that as a father, he would say such things to his daughter. Maybe love has nothing to do with it? It is her life. There are some things I will never truly understand. Maybe that's what bothers me. No matter how wrong things have turned out, it's the love I have for my family that has me in the situation that I am in. Because I love them all. Whatever they have said, however they have hurt and wrong me, I love them all. And it just hurt so much that I couldn't do anything about what has happened.

I so wanted someone to tell me how to feel. But telling me not to be sad just wasn't it. Because that's all I feel.

I am happy. I am confused. I am sad. I am lost. I want to build what was never there. But building that bridge is so hard. Requires all of me. These days, I'm half of me. I'm all here, but just half of me.

"You don't know what it's like to be me." Hear that before? Yeah... a lot. We all have our life story. It's funny how we all try to be different from each other when we're really just pretty much all the same. We create ourselves growing up. We try to be unique... different... one of a kind.

I don't know what I'm talking about. Something is getting to me and I don't know what it is. I'm thinking it's this and it seems to be something else. Only I find out that that's not it too. I'm frustrated.

It doesn't matter what I do or don't do, I know it already that it won't matter to him. That's what hurt the most. In the end, I'm just a girl. But I keep trying...

I've said a lot with my sister and my friend. I wanted to come here and vent too but I can't seem to get much out. I'm thinking things over and over in my head. Wondering what my best option is. What's right and wrong. Who I am and what matters to me. So I'm stuck. Just thinking everything all over in my head... not getting anywhere, no answers.

I feel selfish for thinking this. But I feel like I've put my life on hold for my dad. I've been thinking, my life can wait. His health isn't getting any better and I sure don't want to regret not being there. And I feel selfish again for wanting to leave him. He's said some things that hurt me deeply. He's said some things that are deeply wrong. I look at this from every side. He's my father, I'm his child. He loves me no matter what. He's only looking out for me. I should appreciate him... etc.

I know all of that. I know how he is. How his mind works. How he can be so traditional sometimes. But he doesn't know me. He doesn't care to know me. Cause sooner or later, I'll be married off to someone and I will no longer be part of his family.

I barely remember mine. I was 15 and that was 13 years ago. We dated for no more than 2 months and I broke up with him. My reasons are very reasonable but I'd rather not say. I never called or saw him and vice versa. We went on with our lives.

For the past month, I've been getting these calls from a number I didn't know so I never picked up. Two days ago, I thought the call was from someone else and pick up but it was him. He's still pretty much the same from what I can remember. He reminds me of my older brother. Which isn't a good thing.

I took a trip through memory lane. He talked mostly of how I was back then, quiet and shy and how I seem different now. Nowadays, I prefer the word reserved. I thought it was very sweet how he still remember my favorite color. I remember nothing about him. I had to ask how old he was.

I've been thinking about him. It's not good for me to know people because then I start to worry about them. I barely know this guy but I feel like I knew him at one point in my life. Even though during that time, I was still very young. He seems sad and I feel like I want to make him happy. But I know that I can't do that for him and it makes me a little sad.

and forever did not exist, would we be more patient with each other? Would we care more and love more? If we live each day as if it was our last and enjoy the moment as we're suppose to, would we be happier? Our only enemies would be time and perhaps ourselves But time could be such a friend if we only embrace the time we have. The world is corrupted, but our world would be the opposite. But what good is it to pretend that the corrupted world does not exsist? Because we have each other. Love may not conquer all and it may not make the world go round, but we can make our world go round. It's not pretending. It's caring for each other. Even if it only starts between us. That piece of world between us, could be good and happy. Wouldn't you want that... for you and me?